First Entry

My fight with depression is very strange, there’s times where I feel happy and super free. No worries in the world. Just me and the world, however there’s times where out of nowhere I get a wave of sadness. It could be triggered by a scent, noise, or even an object. At times I can pull myself out of it, but at other times I can’t and the sadness stays there until the end of the day. There’s even times where I can’t even sleep and have thoughts about past mistakes or even thoughts as to why I’m still here. But, before I know it it’s already morning and I have to get ready for work and prepare for day. Thankfully, since my mind in occupied at work. My thoughts are hard to break through my mind. There’s times where the thoughts do get the best of me at work and it’s the worst. I lose motivation at work and I slow down, the smallest of inconveniences make me very irritated and mad. There’s even times where I truly just want to walk out or think to myself if I truly need this job. The money is great! but, I start to think to myself if this job is just unstructured and it’s the job itself that’s bad or is it me? If I’m truly weak mentally and physically. As if I’m the problem in the situation and it truly slows me down. I feel like utter bullshit. The day just drags on and every second feels so long. Even, after my shift is completely done the day kind of drags for awhile but, it starts to pick up once, I get home and rest for a while. Then, I start to think again! Start to think about what my life would be if I hadn’t quit my last job or if I had applied at a different job. Would I be happy? Less stressed out? Making making more money? I start to think about taking risks in my life. But, once I get up to do it. I lose all motivation and my energy is already drained for the day and I just go back to bed and start to think again. Wondering, instead of putting in the work of my thoughts. Testing and seeing if my thoughts are true or not. But, I’m happy to say that. After weeks of thinking about writing my first blog entry. I did it! and I’m happy about that. If you feel the same way just know. You’re not alone. Don’t give up. 🙂