Entry 5

I truly don’t know where my blog is heading it’s too soon to tell to be honest. I don’t even know if what I write at times is what my blog is supposed to be. It’s supposed to talk about depression but, it’s more like I’m writing how I am dealing with depression and how’s it’s affecting me physically and mentally. One effect of depression for me is that I want to be in love, but I personally don’t love myself and at times don’t even understand myself, which is difficult because you truly can’t be in love with someone without loving and accepting yourself first. So, when I like a girl, I fall hard for her and give her my all, my time, and my attention, and the next thing I know, I gave her so many compliments and boosted her ego and get nothing in return other than “I see you as a good friend” or “I just like the attention” I used to get mad at them but, I realized that the one at fault was myself for giving them my time and my attention. That’s what I get for not knowing my worth and not loving myself. There were so many times where I could’ve walked away and realized that “Hey, she’s not the one she’s just using you”. There were times where I found a true “Gem” but, blew it away because I was an idiot it makes me frustrated. I could’ve probably been happy with those “Gems” but, when you don’t know your worth or love yourself you start to have doubts about yourself and the relationship not working out. You even make irrational decisions without truly thinking about what you have in front of you. She might be the “Beauty” and you might be the “Beast” but, remember if she knows you are a “Beast” why would you leave that. If she doesn’t know be honest about who you are and how you feel because I know from experience not telling her/him you regret it later on and you lose your “Beauty” and now you’re just a lonely “Beast”. Before, making decisions on anything, whether in love, work, or just about anything, stop and think if that’s what you truly want to do. With that being said, Thank you for reading! Be safe and take care of yourself 🙂