Entry 6

This post is a bit late I was supposed to write it Saturday and publish it but, I forgot what I was doing that day but, more likely than not I was either too tired to write something or too busy. Moving on though, I’ve noticed that sometimes taking a step back and seeing how far you’ve come is a good thing but, you can’t be stuck there forever in that “Backstep” you have to keep moving forward and see what new things you can do and what doors are open for you to go through. It truly doesn’t benefit you to stay where you are and be comfortable because you won’t grow and learn new lessons in life. You have to go after you dreams and plan them out or else they’ll just be wishes. Just like the ones you wish for after seeing a shooting star or after blowing out candles on your birthday. I’ve noticed it because I’m back at my old job and feel comfortable, but it feels like I’m missing something and I hate the feeling. I know for a fact I can be making more money than I am right now and be living a happier life but, It’s as if I’m unconsciously making myself stay and making myself think that this is the best that I can do. On top of that, the feeling of loneliness is also another feeling that I’m having. It’s as if no one truly understands me and wants me and it sucks it truly does but, there are times where I have to remind myself self-love comes first and I’m slowly starting to. It’s something that I truly can’t say confidently out loud that I love myself because I truly don’t especially after so many breakups with my ex’s and fights with my father. I can’t say that I love myself, I can’t forgive myself for the things that I’ve done to myself and for the things that I have said to myself. Taking a step back makes me realize the bad things that I’ve just left behind without closure and are slowly popping again. However, this time I want to find closure so, I can truly move on with my life and get a step closer to self-love. Life isn’t easy it’s always going to have a surprise waiting for you at any time but, with more experience with life, the easier those problems will become to fix or forget. With that being said, If you’re willing to take a step back just know the problems you left behind will come back, and instead of running, you have to face them head-on y’know? With that being said I hope you guys have an amazing night or day 🙂