The stages of hunger

Feeling hungry can make you feel different types of ways in a couple of minutes. It be making me go through the five stages of grief and it’s so funny when I am stuffed and i think to myself “why the fuck was I thinking the way I was thinking” it makes me kinda realize that maybe this world is fucked because people aren’t thinking straight cause they’re hungry and there might be some truth to that nowadays people get there food deliver through Uber eats or Doordash. We are so lazy that we have other people pick up our food and get that shit delivered. Now think what if we don’t have to get our food delivered people are probably not going to order food or let alone pick it up to save money, they’ll probably starve and won’t open their eyes to see that there’s food in the fridge. Getting older and getting more poor sadly I’m starting to understand why my mom used to say “tenemos comida en la casa” “We have food at home” it’s because we didn’t have money not because she was being rude and the more I realize there’s even more instances aside from that one where she would tell me that I couldn’t get something that I wanted where that was a toy or food sometimes even clothes. I feel so selfish asking my mom for those things now where I can understand how poor we were and now I’m in her shoes paying bills left and right barely having enough money to take my girlfriend out or to take myself out. I literally have to force myself to save by having apps take my money out my paycheck to save money. Which is why when I go without eating for a couple of hours my mind lingers in the past and makes me believe that I do not deserve where I’m at or at least that the path I choose wasn’t the right one to take. I start to get so sad that I just sit down in the kitchen looking around and thinking “ Fuck maybe I should’ve stayed with mom and dad”. Then, I start to wake myself up from this spell that I put myself in and start looking around the kitchen for something to eat. Until I find what I want I literally pace the kitchen back and forth opening every single cabinet and closing them, same with the fridge until I make a decision on what I’m going to eat. My mom got so used to it that when I did it at her house she would be like “que vas a comer pues?” “What are you going to eat then?” I don’t know why I do what I do maybe out of desperation but I always do that acting like something new will pop out and be like “eat me you fuck”. When I find what I want to eat which takes about 20 minutes and yes 20 minutes of pacing back and forth I get to happy that I’m so close to eating something and when I get like that my cooking is 10/10 to the point where after cooking I get so clear headed and start doing chores or what I’m doing now writing or recording for the podcast which you should do at Icy’s Podcast on Spotify or Apple podcast. So, the message for this entry is that you should fucking make youself something to eat when you’re hungry because that cooking or dish or whatever you make will come out 10/10.