Entry 12

Hey, It’s been a long time since I’ve written something again, and let me tell you It’s been a crazy couple of months. I haven’t felt like myself, I’ve been feeling lost in life as if I’m missing something or needing something. I’ve also been jealous of people who genuinely have their lives figured out and live pretty happy lives. I bought a house thinking it would make me happy and be easy to maintain but, It’s been hard especially if you’re only making minimum wage. I sometimes think to myself if anything that I’m doing is truly worth it y’know, I tried to be healthy and be smart but, It’s been hard to do so. I wake up and just regret waking up because of all the things that I have to do for the day and I start to stress, I start to miss the things I had before, like seeing my mom daily, not worrying about what needs fixing or improving, or even the small things like cleaning. The more I think about it now the more I can see how lucky I was to even have a home when I was young or even have food on my plate every day. There are people in my life who I know didn’t have those things at all like, a stable place to live or food on their plate every day, and to those people in my life or anyone who has gone through or is going through it, I congratulate you for still being here living and not giving up. Life sadly isn’t easy and if it was I don’t think it would be worth living for, sometimes I wonder if we should be happy for having not-so-good lives because those hard days truly make us stronger and wiser later in life only if you take a moment to see how far you’ve come in life and how much you’ve accomplished. I might be stressed about what I’m going through right now and who knows maybe a couple of weeks from now I’ll still be and the only person I have to blame is myself because I’m the one who drives my life. I have options in life and that’s what makes life wonderful because you get to choose what to do next, If I want to stay where I’m at in my life that’ll be my choice and it might not be a good choice for obvious reasons but, it’ll be my choice. Just like whoever is reading this your life is your life and sometimes you might not have a say in your life and it sucks but, in due time hopefully you will. Just don’t think negatively and think that your life will stay the same because you have a choice to still think and plan your next step in life. My life isn’t the best at the moment and I’m not thinking straight as well but, I’m still moving forward and not giving up because It’s better than just waiting for something to come your way because maybe your just a few more steps away from being happy. I hope you have a good day and I hope you smile, keep on moving forward even if it feels a bit bumpy :).